.....

I'm Gonna Smile Like Nothing's Wrong..
Talk Like Everything's Perfect..
Act like Its Just a Dream..
Pretend Its Not Hurting Me..

That's what should i do since long time ..

Swing mode..

Sad and happy..

Happy to see my mum, sit and talk to her lately.. 1 year didn't see her, and she's not staying for too long time here actually.. But I'll spend my time as much as i can, beside I've my final exams, and have to study hard, coz i really do bad in the mid-term.. but as someone said, i still can do well and do everything and study hard again.. i still have much time to study and continue my future..

Crossed fingers .. Have to do very very very extra good.. and prove to my dad who gave me a car, and my mum who is ready to do anything to make me happy.. at least i can pay them back by my good results.. to let them feel i deserve what they give and do for me.. I'll show them one day.. But i just need time to focus and study harder and concentrate more ..

I can do that.. GOD help me..

brother went back already.. in one night everything happen and he decide to go back for some reasons.. Mum couldn't even have a chance to see him, only one day.. :( she got really sad about that actually, she even cried allot of times..
i couldn't see my mum crying like that.. even the last minute to say goodbye, She cry really hard.. She'll see him again on September.. But dunno why she cried like that.. if i have a chance to be a mum and figure out that I'll tell you lol..
even brother wanted to cry, even me, he hugged me and then go.. didn't let me say any word.. coz he so sad..
i dunno how to explain whats inside me ..

We never really sit in one table and have lunch together and dinner as a family, since 2002.. after the war we all separate to different countries.. we could see each other every year, but not all of us.. some of us have to stay or can't meet us for such reasons..
But last Monday.. 5-8-2008.. was really the first time since 2002 .. we can sit together (DAD, MUM, SISTER, BROTHER, ME, SISTER'S HUSBAND, SISTER'S CHILD ).. and my mum cooked her perfect best delicious food in the world to us. with a really nice soft music to eat and relax..
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh..
So nice..

GOD, let us be together one day.. live in the same house one day as before..

"AMEEN"

Back again talking about others things lol.. !!!
Too many things happened actually ..
Going out too much lately with the Girlfriend.. I didn't want her to feel that my bro or others will make me forget her.. i always want to be nice with her, and make her happy.. I didn't ask for more from her, only love me and be honest with me, DON'T cheat.. Love for REAL.. and I'll do anything she want..
I never felt before someone loved me, or want to be with me, someone can get jealous because talking with other girl.. or going out with a group of girls.. or even talking to friends ( girls ) online.. these things make the girlfriend jealous and not happy sometimes.. even its nothing actually, but it just happened lol..
I love the way she treat me lately actually.. i do change myself to manage things and get together, and spend our time together and be happy all the time.. i don't care about the money or others things actually, Beside the make me happy and love me more everyday..
we went out too many times.. more than before actually.. Even she didn't expect I'll be like that.. I can feel i change allot lately.. Doing things different, Study alone not with friends, Prefer her in too many things, and talk to her and try to make her the one who'll make me better.. Sometimes she really confuse and dunno what to do in many things, like today.. But still ok, She still thing guys can pamper themselves in there own way.. But its ok she's learning and being better lately with me..
I even dunno how i suddenly be with her..
We met one day, in college.. went to Secret recipe.. Eat there and talk, i remember she was very shy to talk to me, and keep talking to her friend in Chinese lol.. Then i ask her to go out to mega mall .. and they say yeah.. and we go out.. and everything was ok .. on the next day i ask her to come to time square to company me in my friend's birthday and there was some troubles i tried to explain to her and let her know it lol.. From the second day i knew she want to be in a relationship and she've crash on me lol .. and i really like her.. never loved her.. till i really feel she love me for real and she's honest, then i said i love you ..
and things get bigger and bla bla bla bla .

and here we are together..
we went out too much lately ( AGAIN ) lol.. Watching nice movies, actually the movies we catch lately is really nice..

we both enjoined our time very well..
1. The dark knight.
2. Hellboy. ( i watch it for 3 times lol).
3. Mid night meat Train.
4. Wanted.
5. The mummy.
6. Can't remember what else lol.. but still have the tickets with me :D.. memories never died .. always alive in our hearts..
i dunno how i could manage and be with a Chinese girl, but i do change allot, but still have the old personality.. but inside, and locked, and will never open it again.. only IF .................................................................................!!!!
but i can be with her, and here we are doing very good .. taking care of each other, enjoying our time and loving each other more day after day..
and happy to be with her.

Love You..

Back to write here lol.. A lot of things happened lately actually. but couldn't have much time to write and post the blog..
miss writing here and post something as usual lol, its one of my ways to express my feelings and what’s inside me lol..
My bro Came from IRAQ in 10-july.. I really been happy to see him, he's the only one who can understand me very well, and know what I want and what should i do to make me happy. He's the most good guy to me lol, he's everything to me actually. He even don't want me to spend one cent for anything, he always treat me good.. always invite me to lunch, dinner.. want me to be happy.. I'm always happy actually and enjoying my time .. But he always make me happy. He make me go out everyday,
even I’m am too tired..
Yeah its right that i spent allot of petrol.. allot of money, Beside he always pay and give me money.. and make me more tired.. but actually i miss these days.. miss going out and fighting in the car and talking.. Laughing ..
Miss the way he talk to me, Miss the way he treat me always..
I was very happy when i saw him after ONE year.. I only could hear his voice on the phone, or chatting sometimes.. Never got a chance to see him, Only once a year.. I really couldn't believe my bro is here..
After 4 years living with my dad, i felt again I’ve a brother.. living with me, I can say and do anything in front of him, I can tell him about my personal problem, Even my Soul mates couldn't do it, or the one I love.. or anyone else..
Never felt someone will take care of me like that.. I Really miss these days ..
4 years, after that someone will come into my life, I Can call him BROTHER.. and he's really my bro..

I took this pic before Can't remember how long lol.. But still love this pic.. its in genting actually..
Its also the time i felt i need my bro..
Actually my brother went back already because some reasons .. So couldn't be with him only for 3 weeks !!!
I wish if I spent all the time with him, better than going with others.. I’m sure my gf or friends will understand what I mean..
I only can see him once a year for 1 month, but others always here.. hope they'll understand what i mean...
Never felt there's someone will be here for me when i need, and will give me anything I’ll point to..
Will always miss my Brother.. and will wait for him next year..